


The Birthday Fic

by VeannaBlue



Category: Elder Scrolls, Elder Scrolls V: Skyrim, Skyrim
Genre: Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Crack, F/M, Fluff, Fluff and Crack, Fluff and Humor, Humor
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-03-13
Updated: 2018-03-13
Packaged: 2019-03-30 16:55:01
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,111
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13955940
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/VeannaBlue/pseuds/VeannaBlue
Summary: The Companions know how to party, something Ondolemar can't bring himself to appreciate.





	The Birthday Fic

Nature's orchestra filled the stillness of the night, surrounding Lakeview Manor in the hushed music of the darkness. A gentle breeze blew through the leaves, mixing with the chorus of crickets, cicadas and the soft hoot of owls on the hunt. Ondolemar basked in the tranquillity, enjoying the grand view of Lake Illinalta and her surrounding forests, the full moon in the sky and the many stars sparkling overhead. Life was good. 

His peace was soon shattered by the growing sound of revving engines and drunken hollering as two cars swooped up the drive. From his vantage point, Ondolemar watched the group extricate themselves from the vehicles. There was a great deal of shoving and tripping amidst body shaking laughter and he had to wonder how on Nirn these clumsy oafs had earned their reputations as legendary warriors. Reluctantly, he rose from his chair and walked back inside, steeling himself for the oncoming storm that were the Companions. 

The Dragonborn's piercing scream was the first to greet him through the door. "COMMANDER! WE'RE Hoo-OOME!"

"Yes, I can see th - what are you wearing?!" 

"It was the twin's birthday," She answered, twirling and stumbling with a giggle into the birthday boys, who were supporting each other in staying upright. 

Ondolemar's eyes widened as he took in the full scene before him. Every companion in the entry hall was wearing a white t-shirt with bold, black font exclaiming "SHAKE YOUR TITS IT'S YOUR BIRTHDAY!"

"I was going to get you one," Beau explained. "But you were a grumpy sweetroll and didn't want to come out with us."

Ignoring her pouting, Ondolemar turned to the Harbinger. "Honestly Kodlak, I expected better of you."

"Just because you get to my age, son, doesn't mean you have to stop enjoying yourself," Kodlak said, a twinkle in his grey eyes. 

Ondolemar suppressed the urge to roll his eyes and ushered the party into the main hall. Ignoring the rest, he pulled out a dining chair for Ysabeau and, as gently as he could, guided her onto it. "How much have you had to drink?"

Beau blinked at him blankly as her inebriated mind processed his question. She held up one hand, and then two, slowly counting her fingers out loud. When she reached ten she glanced around and seized the closest hand in her proximity which happened to belong to an obliging, though slightly swaying, Aela. Beau counted four more fingers on the Nord's hand and then proudly announced, "Two!"

"Auri-el give me strength," Ondolemar muttered under his breath. 

"You are so pretty, Commander." Beau breathed. "You are the prettiest of all the Thalmor."

"Golden like the sun," Farkas said, his voice full of awe. He reached out to touch a flaming cheek but Ondolemar knocked his arm away.

"Touch me with that paw that you so optimistically call a hand, and you will be nursing more than just a hangover in the morning."

At the reproach, Aela' and Athis' voices sounded at the same time, each competing to be heard and taking two different sides of who was being unreasonable. 

"You can't speak to him like that! It's his BIRTHDAY!"

"You tell him twinny!"

"What?"

Athis gestured to the Altmer's ears and then to his own. "We've both got pointy ears, we're twins!" He suddenly gasped in realisation, "Just like Vilkas and Farkas!"

"I am not your - "

"You are so much prettier than me!" Beau wailed, her previously exultant mood utterly forgotten as her smiles turned to sobs. 

"No, he's not," Ria and Njada hastily soothed. "Just because he has that amazing mouth, and perfect skin and eyes like flawless emeralds, and -"

"And cheekbones for days," Vilkas added, joining his brother in staring at the elf. 

With an exasperated sigh, Ondolemar knelt down to cradle the sobbing Dragonborn in his arms. She nuzzled into his neck, hiccuping and smearing tears all over his tunic.   
"I am not prettier than you," he assured her. "I may be superior in many ways, but you, my dear Dragonborn, are the most beautiful and infuriating creature I have ever had the pleasure of knowing."

"Ouch! What was that for?!" Athis cried as Njada's fist made contact with his shoulder. 

"You never say stuff like that to me! Why not?"

Athis glared at her. "Fine. You are the most infuriating creature I have ever met."

"That is not what I meant!" 

She launched herself at him with such force that they both went tumbling into the dining table, sending chairs and candles flying across the room and a book into the fireplace. Quickly sidestepping out of the line of destruction, Ria looked around, a look of concern growing on her face. 

"Where's Torvar?"

"Which one is Torvar?"

"The drunk one."

"Helpful, thank you."

"The whelp that is always drunk," Vilkas said. "He called you his favourite drinking buddy last week."

"There was no one else in the cars besides the lot of you, and the drivers, who I rather envy right now for being rid of you."

"Do you think he went home with that Bosmer he was dancing with?" 

"By the gods we forgot Torvar!"

"It wouldn't be the first time."

"OH, THERE ONCE WAS A HERO NAMED RAGNER THE RED!" Skjor bellowed, dragging himself on top of the dining table. He began a jaunty dance and the wood creaked and groaned in protest. 

Torvar forgotten, the rest of the group picked up the song. "WHO CAME RIDING TO WHITERUN FROM OLD RORIKSTEAD!"

Ysabeau and Farkas joined him in gallivanting up and down on the tabletop while the others stomped their feet and clapped, out of sync with the tune and each other, singing at the top of their lungs. 

"AND THE BRAGGART DID SWAGGER AND BRANDISH HIS BLADE, AS HE TOLD OF BOLD BATTLES AND GOLD HE HAD MADE!"

Ondolemar threw up his arms in defeat. "That's it, I'm going to bed."

"Bright moons!" Ysabeau exclaimed, breaking off her song. "I have the best idea! You should all sleep in our room, it will be like a slumber party!"

"Pillow fight!" The twins cheered.

"No, no way! Dragonborn, I am putting my foot down. I put up with a lot in this house, but I am not sharing our bed with a pack of drunken wolves." 

"Ppplllleeeeeeasssse!"

"No! You built that guest wing for a reason, use it." He started to make his way up the stairs, pausing only to shout back over his shoulder, "And I'm putting wards on the door, so don't even think about sneaking in!"

Howls of drunken laughter chased Ondolemar's steps, followed by the crash of the dining table finally caving to its abuse.


End file.
